About Us

This is not your nephew. Stop calling us.

This is not your nephew. Stop calling us.

Hi everybody, and welcome to the Internet’s foremost Beltway dive bar.

This slack chat website is the brainchild of notorious subversives (and notorious slackers) Johnny “Cake” Hunter and Terry “Chatterin’ Teeth” (J-Sizzle got first pick of nicknames) Vent.

These guys have been undercover for decades. Some speculate that they were traveling the Pacific Rim, trading inflatable Harold Stassen dolls to the natives for Polynesian weed, but a cursory google search revealed that they were actually in the witness protection program. They had been in the program since 1983, when they turned state’s evidence in the infamous “we can’t believe it’s not butter” truth in advertising scandal that took down Orville Redenbacher. 


a face made for a milk carton

The text messages on the memes you see around the site are all original, but the views they express don’t reflect the viewpoint of anyone you would respect in the morning. Frankly, if you see either of these jokers on the street you should probably just cross to the other side. I think one of them is in a cult, and the other one sells insurance. I can never keep straight which one sold his soul to an evil demagogue, and which one sells flowers at the airport.

Ideologically they are radical centrists. Both have cast ballots for chronic losers in both major parties, the occasional third party, and once (I think) for a mollusk. They aren’t in the Trump resistance camp so much as they are in the Trump please-don’t-get-us-all-killed camp. Enjoy the madness.


D.B. Cooper (shh.)